Free PDF Positive Discipline for Teenagers: Empowering Your Teen and Yourself Through Kind and Firm Parenting [POSITIVE DISCIPLINE FOR TE]From Pr
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Positive Discipline for Teenagers: Empowering Your Teen and Yourself Through Kind and Firm Parenting [POSITIVE DISCIPLINE FOR TE]From Pr
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Adolescence is often a time of great stress and turmoil-not only for kids going through it, but for you, their parents as well. During the teen years, kids aggressively begin to explore a new sense of freedom, which often leads to feelings of resentment and powerlessness for parents who increasingly are excluded from their children's lives. This revised edition of Positive Discipline for Teenagers shows you how to break the destructive cycle of guilt and blame and work toward greater understanding and communication with your adolescents. Inside, you'll: ·Find out how to encourage your teen and yourself ·Grow to understand how your teen still needs you, but in different ways ·Learn how to get to know who your teen really is ·Discover how to develop sound judgment without being judgmental ·Learn how to use follow-through-the only surefire way to get chores done Over the years, millions of parents have come to trust the classic Positive Discipline series for its consistent, commmonsense approach to child rearing. Inside, you'll discover proven, effective methods for working with your teens
- Sales Rank: #2784645 in Books
- Published on: 2000-04-30
- Binding: Paperback
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Could be helpful if your teen is *extremely* rebellious and you are at a total loss. Full of worst-case-scenarios.
By Salsa El Pato
If I had more time, I'd write a longer review. I'm disappointed because I simply love the Positive Discipline books for younger kids. The main issues with the book is that the author writes with a certain type of teen in mind and a certain type of parent. She is correct that there is a strong tendency to distance. She is correct that teens need privacy and that judging and shaming are bad strategies for parents.
However, there is one crucial flaw the book had in that it does not emphasize the structure and expectations that teens likely need in these years. She describes a teen who is distancing *totally* and a parent who utterly lacks a connection with his or her teen. It's a book that assumes the relationship has broken down and the teen is going to do things like get arrested or spend the night out without calling. But this seems to be a situation where the problems have already started. The assumption is that the parent needs to simply accept the teen for who they are and not scold or create further emotional distance.
However, many teens are not in this hardcore rebellion mode. Many are a bit adrift, struggling with issues and need a parent's guidance. Most teens need structure and they need parents to set expectations and guide them. What does a parent do *prior* to this complete breakdown in connection?
Her idea seems to be that the teen is an adult--and the parent needs to step back. She describes teens who are floundering in life. They stay out all night, they try drugs, they don't talk about anything with their parents, they get arrested. In fact, I was a bit shocked that the advice given for a parent whose kid has been arrested is simply to empathize with how scary that might have been.
My view (not backed by research) is that it is the parent's job to be a counter to some of the peer pressure, urges, confusion, and impulses of teens by providing both an excuse to the teen to avoid doing what their friends may pressure them to do and an incentive to keep it together through adulthood--an incentive to do their homework, keep out of trouble, avoid drugs and drinking (at least as much as realistic), etc.
Of course if the teen starts to go off the deep end--then you do need to use some way to get your love across --to be an island in their storm. Yes, of course! But I think parents need advice about how to keep the teen from getting to that point.
And many teens are dealing with a lot of *other* stuff--the grip of the internet, mean friends, etc. Many teens are isolated and lonely or unsure of themselves or suffering from issues of self-worth and identity. They can need the approval and love of their parents--and the structure they provide.
I'm 100% sure the author's advice is correct about not over-parenting and letting the teen make mistakes and learn from them. That is excellent advice. It's a very tricky balance between keeping them in the safety net to some degree and letting them fall when they can learn from it. But there are so many things that I hope can be a bulwark and it would be good to consider them--e.g., getting them into social activities, helping them see their own role in the community, helping them see others are counting on them, giving them responsibility. Perhaps the biggest problem for teens is that they have all these skills and abilities and yet they are put into the weird role of a child on the one hand with an ever-increasing adult mind on the other. Rather than the author's idea that you should accept they may reject college, get terrible grades, experiment with dangerous activities--perhaps giving the teen the sense that in fact their actions affect others and they have some responsibility to others. I don't mean a shaming moral message but more a moral message that every person exists in a web of other people and has an obligation to others in that web. Our goal as parents should be to help our children become decent, compassionate human beings who take responsibility for their own actions. There's something odd about so much emphasis in this book on teen autonomy as separate independence--a problem with our society is that people are *so separate* and *so independent.* There's something to be said for the more traditional lifestyles you see in other countries where teens do answer to a larger community of people. It's hard to replicate in the USA but making the teen see how they are participants in a community and society also respects them as adults.
My child is entering her teen years and I may learn the hard way that I will experience all these issues eventually. However, I can say with confidence that the very serious issues the teens face in the examples and the intense distance between parent/teen that the author envisions is not at all the case for many teens and parents that I know.
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